He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
