So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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