I just saw a hot homeless man
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
