i permit you to call me
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
