My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
