I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
