I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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