Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
