I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
