I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Randomize
