As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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