Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
