i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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