I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
