What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
