Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
