good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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