Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
