He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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