I wish I could punch you in the face.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
