i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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