put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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