I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
