so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
