i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
