don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
