.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
