I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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