you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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