so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
