My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize