I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
