Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
God I need to hump something, right now.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
