I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My pussy is not your playground.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
bring money and cleavage
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize