New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I feel like a drive thru vagina
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
