I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
there was a trapeze. enough said
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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