hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
