never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the day after is always just damage control
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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