So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the day after is always just damage control
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
