help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
