Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
