"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
