I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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