I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
