New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize