you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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