We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
