my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
wow bdsm is so cute
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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