I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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