if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
