you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
