I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My vagina is very pro this idea
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