I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
