It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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