when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
