and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
