my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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