Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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