Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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