and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
