come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
