I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Barsexuality is the new black.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
