Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
