You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
