so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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