be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
