Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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