i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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