guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
