Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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