So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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