This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
