awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She even gives head with a lisp.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
