No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
