I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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