He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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