i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
