You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
