He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
