so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I intend to get homeless drunk
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
