Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize