I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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