Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
