PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
