Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
