My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
