oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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