I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
