At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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