Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
