I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
