Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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