your room smells of hookers.
And success
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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