You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize