I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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