I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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