i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
