you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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