just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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