I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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