You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
