smell my finger.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
