yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
And then my night got REAL pukey
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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