I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I need a beard to bite.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize