He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You're a disaster
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